Home - is where I want to be / But I guess I'm already there /I come home -
she lifted up her wings /
Guess that this must be the place...
- Talking Heads, "Naive Melody"

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Lost Summer

In a recent IM conversation with a friend I referred to this year as a "lost summer" for us. She pointed out that a new apartment and a baby aren't exactly a loss, and of course she's correct, but that wasn't quite what I meant.

It's just that between the apartment hunt, packing and unpacking, and preparing for the baby, this summer has left us with precious little space for "now." Every spare minute is occupied with the future, getting ready for things to happen and wanting to the time to pass faster so that we can get on with adjusting our lives. I'm not really comfortable with this suspended state, with long-term waiting.

The weather has made it worse, a summer of sky-high temperatures and humidity that would be uncomfortable even if I wasn't pregnant, and which currently have me longing for fall more than I recall ever doing in my life. I tend to feel guilty about not living more mindfully a lot of the time, but this summer, I am giving myself permission to wish the days away, to focus on a time (not as far away as it seems, I try to convince myself) when we will be doing instead of preparing.

Just this once, August can't go by quickly enough.

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